• Whatever you bring into the house as a gift to me becomes mine forever with no personal or emotional encumberance.  You may not ask me about the status of the item - ever.  If it was a crystal candy dish, and you're wondering, consider it smashed to pieces.
  
• Any non-human creature that emits hair or dander particulate must be kept at a minimum distance of 300 metres from the boundary of the property line, and may enter the house under no circumstances.
• My house is not stocked with your favorite booze; if you think you're getting drunk on my dime, think again.
• Your unrequested decorating advice is yours to keep; you may never verbalize it while in the house.
• Should you arrive at the house drunk or seeking refuge after a fight with a spouse or an eviction, you will be presented with a 10% off voucher for the Curtis Gordon Motor Hotel and invited to leave.
  
• While in the house, you must keep it real at all times.
• Parental bickering on or near the property is not tolerated; those who wish to bicker must first place themselves into, and launch themselves from the catapult located at the rear of the property.
• Intervals for rocking out have been pre-scheduled.  If one of these intervals is met during your visit, please remain calm.  Do not attempt to join in the rocking out unless you have signed the personal injury waiver.

Get the hell off our internet.

My dinosaur name is Meanosaurus. He lived on the beach where the fisherman lived. He also lived 100,000,000,000 years ago.

My dinosaur could fly through the air and bite the necks off of things that thought he was mean.  Sometimes once he didn't need a reason to bite the neck off - he was just that mean.

You could know he was coming because he always said GRRRRR when he was going to bite a neck off.  This one time he rode a bike all the way to Gongolia!  His favourite enemy is Woundasaurus. 

He had claws for hands, which made it tough to eat things, but fun too.

Mind your own goddamn business...
...and, for the record, it's a pickle suit.

Get the hell off our internet.