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 Dear Sir or Madam,It has come to our attention that you have commissioned a set of airbrushed flames to be added to the front wheel wells of your truck. The overall crappiness of the flame images, and more importantly, their placement and orientation have raised some serious concerns. Therefore, we feel it necessary to resolve these issues with all due haste. To speak directly to the root problem: It is our opinion that the placement and orientation of the flames are inconsistent with observable physical reality, since the likelihood of actual flames emanating from a vehicle could only occur in one of the following scenarios:
Scenario 1 - Your truck is actually on fire If your truck is on fire while parked or moving at a slower speed, there are three plausible ways that the ignition of your vehicle could have occurred :
We can reasonably conclude that if your truck caught fire one in of these ways, that you would immediately bring the vehicle to a complete stop and exit the passenger cabin. The flames would then continue to consume the stopped vehicle, and the flames would move directly upward. It is worth emphasizing that the flames would move upward due to convection caused by the heat of combustion, certainly not horizontally and diagonally (as depicted by the flames painted on your truck). So, considering these facts, what are we left to conclude? It is obvious that the flames painted on your truck are not intended to represent that your vehicle is on fire. Therefore, we discount this scenario entirely and conclude that the flames on your vehicle are for cosmetic purposes only. Scenario 2 - Combustion occurs at high speed due to excessive air friction Of course, for combustion to begin due to air friction, your truck would have to be traveling many times the speed of sound, which is impossible without jet or rocket propulsion. However, since the flames painted on your truck are obviously cosmetic in nature we can accept grotesque hyperbole in the context of this analysis. Primarily, it is the location of the flames that comes into question. A century of mechanical flight and wind-tunnel research has taught us that the greatest amount of air friction consistently occurs in the front of the vehicle. To support this fact, please examine this computer-generated turbulence model which uses color-gradients to demonstrates the areas of maximum heat caused by air-friction:  In contrast, we can see that the unlikely location of the simulated flames on your truck indicates a manner of physical interaction impossible to account for. Inexplicably, you have the flames painted in the part of the truck that shows the least amount of heat caused by air-friction. Are we to believe that your truck's base coat is some sort of magical, heat-inverting enamel?  Your simulated flames seem to originate from inside the wheel well, a location completely shielded by air friction due to modern truck design, and we do not have to tell you that this would fly in the face of Physical laws established by Newton himself! Again, we must logically conclude that this scenario is impossible. Supported by myriad scientific data, we must discard it entirely. Conclusion Having critically examined both scenarios, and reached the logical conclusion that neither could explain the location and orientation of the flames painted on your truck, we conclude that you made a grievous miscalculation when instructing your flame artist. However, we are not without sympathetic hearts. Since you have expressed an obvious fondness for simulated flames, my colleagues and I feel it is important to provide you with a viable alternate location. Numerous computer simulations have been conducted to provide the following:  Please note that while this illustration also shows high areas of turbulence and air friction at the windscreen region, we do not recommend placing flame decals, or painting flames in these areas. Doing so may impair the ability of the driver to see and react to road hazards. In closing, please make the indicated changes shown on the above diagram with all possible speed, and we can ensure no more unfortunate questions will be raised about this matter in the future. Best regards, - The Board On a side note, you can improve your truck’s aerodynamics by:
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